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When I was growing up I yearned with a desire to be just like the boys in shul and be called up to read from the Torah. I yearned to feel that intense connection to God, that I so clearly did not feel sitting behind curtain number 1. I always felt a profound sense of loss that I could never participate fully in the minyan or make an actual contribution to Judaism other than raising Jewish children or baking challah.
In my bais yaakov upbringing I felt stifled by the de rigueur chumash, navi, and mishlei, things that were appropriate for girls to learn but never quite stimulating enough for me. I wished to learn gemara; to be treated as an equal. I would watch the men dance with the Torah on Simchas Torah and feel a profound sense of loss that it was not me. That I was merely relegated to sit and watch.
After I got married I suddenly discovered a whole network of Orthodox Jewish Feminists. Women who yearned for more. For the first time in my life I danced with a sefer torah, and I found out that there were people who would teach me gemara, or how to lane megilla, and suddenly the Judaism of my childhood seemed to have shifted to a Judaism that could with time be inclusive.
In my shul recently there has been a search for a new Rabbi. The biggest questions on many people’s minds are what role will women play? Will they be able to dance in the main sanctuary with a sefer torah? Will we have a yoetzet? Will there ever be a female shul president? Suddenly before my eyes the patriarchal Judaism is taking stock and realizing that women feel excluded and if they sit on their haunches and do nothing, the already small orthodox movement will grow smaller.
I attended the Yeshivat Chovevei Torah Dinner recently and at the panel discussion the question was raised “Is there a moral imperative to have orthodox female rabbis?” It’s a question that will shock many and while there are many more pressing issues on the table it is something to think about as the dynamics of our community change.
I was so excited the other night meeting the famous blogger Jewess, otherwise known as Rebecca Honig Friedman, who brought to light the whole Mt. Sinai Shul announcer controversy. I am inspired by women like my friend Orly Lieberman who is changing the way we view Taharat Hamishpacha and doing an amazing job educating kallot. I am inspired by female scholars like Sharon Weiss Greenberg, Miriam Segura Harrison, and Ruth Balinsky. These women sit and learn gemara in a beit Midrash just like men, something I never thought growing up could be a possibility.
I feel blessed to live in a community that takes women’s issues seriously and I hope in my lifetime that there might just be an orthodox female rabbi.
New York is one of the those fabulous cities that has a million activities all free.With the warm weather approaching the city provides more and more opportunituies for those with a beer budget to enjoy all of it’s champagne pleasures.Most of us are either feverishly searching for a job, or working doubletime to keep the one we have.
In the downtime you have, which is all the time for the unemployed, why not enjoy all the fabulous free NYC has to offer.
Want to see a new dvd release or read the latest bestseller but can’t afford it? Head to your local public library. you can get books and dvds on just about any subject. All you do is sign up for a free library card. There are also free lectures on every topic under the sun as well as free computer classes given in many of the branch libraries. Also stop by the Human ad Social Sciences library on 42nd street. It’s free to go in and is full of magnificent architecture and frequently has interesting collections of letters, photos, and the like all free. Also pick up a catalog that will show you all the events taking place over the next few months while you are there. For more info check out http://www.nypl.org
Looking for a free blowout or color? Stop by Loreal studio on 15 Mercer street. Have a consultation and get free color and blowouts plus product just for being a guinea pig.
Looking for a chic new haircut? Check out Craigslist under free stuff, salons are frequently looking to have their stylists try out new styles and need models. So if you’re really jonesing for the new Gwyneth mid-length cut check it out.
Craigslist also has a listings for classes and activities which are often free. Check frequently sometimes there are free ballroom dancing classes or even yoga.For more Info http://www.craigslist.com
The Cinema source is a website that allows you to to sign up for free movie screenings. You have to wait on line and there is a chance you won’t get in, but they are free. Check it out at http://www.thecinemasource.com/screenings/
New York is full of beautiful parks. Nothing is nicer than sitting in one of New York’s beautiful parks people watching and enjoying the scenery. One of my favorites is Bryant park. They offer free wireless internet, free chess lessons, and a reading room all free. Fore Info http://www.bryantpark.org/amenities/overview.php
Another great New York Park is Fort Tryon Park, located in Washington Heights the northern end of Manhattan. Fort Tryon has gorgeous landscaping, and is steeped in history dating back to the American revolution as a sight where Washington fought the brits. The sweeping views of the Hudson river and New York city are spectacular.While you’re there stop at the cloisters, a division of the Metropolitan Museum of Art full of beautiful artwork. Donations suggested.
For a really magical experience when the weather isn’t too cold take a walk at dusk across the George Washington Bridge. The city views will take your breath away as will the magnificent colors of the sky as they fade to night.
As the spring approaches more freebies will be available. Keep reading Bargain Jewess for the latest information.
XoXo
Arielle
Lately it seems all the at home hair coloring kits are coming out with a ten minute version.Having to sit with goop on your head for a half hour or more is now being thrown out and replaced by a product that works in ten minutes.
Since my roots had really grown in I thought it was time to get my hair to one color. I wanted a nice really dark brown with some red in it. I found a dark brown offered by Perfect 10, a Clairol brand.
One of the nicest things about this dye is that it comes with a comb attachment to put on the bottle so you get an even application of color. The color really did take just ten minutes. Although it is nice it was a little darker than I would have wanted. I would go a shade lighter than you intend. If it comes out too light you can always go up a shade, but in my opinion better safe than sorry.
The great thing about this product is that it works quickly and makes dying your own hair an easy, painless, process.A few tips though for dying your own hair. Spread newspaper on the floor of the bathroom to prevent staining the floor. Wear old clothes and use old towels that you don’t care if they get dirty. I’ve ruined a lot of clothing and towels disregarding that one. Spread Vaseline around your hairline, back of neck, and ears to prevent the hair dye from staining because it will get on you.
Enjoy your new hue and don’t forget to adjust your makeup accordingly. The worst mistake people make when dying they’re hair is not realizing that their makeup may no longer flatter them.
For more Info Visit http://www.clairol.com/niceneasy/perfect_10/index.jsp
There’s a widespread mentality in certain Jewish circles that being on the cutting edge of fashion and style is not in the confines of tznius- the Jewish dictates of modesty. In my years in bais yaakov teachers went so far as to tell us that being on the cutting edge of fashion was clearly against the laws of tznius. That a girl who was dressed extremely attractive was drawing unnecessary attention to herself. I was told that this rule also applied to sweatshirts or t-shirts with chest logos and even dark nail polish. All of these things fell under the guise of what is know as prust or improper for the Jewish girl/woman.
I’ve veered pretty far away from that line of thinking and most of those people today would definitely call me a shiksa in my jeans and tichels/hats/occasionally sheitel and they really would have run the other way if they met me in my non-hair covering phase. Although I’m certainly no halachic authority, I went to bais yaakov after all(where they teach you just enough to get your MRS) and I certainly hope no takes this as any psak or halachic ruling I would like to speculate on this further, especially as this seems to a topic on many of my fellow j-bloggers minds……
A Jewish woman is considered a princess in Hebrew, a bas melech. The daughter of a king would only be kitted in the finest of fashions and of course would set the fashion tone for the entire country. She of course would never be dressed in any way that would disrespect her father the king but she certainly would always be expected to look more beautiful and put together than anyone else in the kingdom. The same goes true for the Jewish princess.
I honestly feel that an orthodox Jewish women should always be as fashionable and as classy as possible. There are many ways to look fantastic without baring it all. In general the women I find the most elegant are those who choose to cover it up rather than let it all hang out. Obviously just because you wear a skirt doesn’t mean that you are classy, or elegant I have seen many pants that are more modest that certain skirts. I’m also not here to get into debates on pants, short sleeves, how you cover your hair or any of that sort thing, in my opinion each person must do what they feel comfortable doing and it is between them and God.
Yet I think that each Jewish woman and all women should think of themselves as a princess and therefore there is nothing wrong with wearing stylish fashionable clothes so long as they aren’t thigh high and cut down to the belly button. I think that if you dress stylishly but elegantly you are still tzanua and in no way breaking any tznius code. I think that when people tell you otherwise they are steering you away from looking and feeling your best.
As a Jewish princess you should buy the best clothes you can afford, the best head coverings and conduct yourself with grace and class. There is no one in the world that will argue with you that you are not tznius if you follow those rules.
In a related albeit different topic I see many ads and in store displays showing head covering styles popular among Jewish women. In this month’s Vogue there is a Ralph Lauren ad showing a woman wearing a chasidic style turban, but Ralph’s real surname is Lipschitz after all and he grew up in the 50’s in the Bronx he probably saw plenty of those. I was also recently in Zara and I saw a mitpachat style tichel on a mannequin’s head, this could also be due to all the Muslims in Spain but I’d rather think that this is the influence of the stylish Brooklyn and Israeli chicas rocking the mitpachat.
I think that it’s important to remember that what narrow minded people tell you isn’t always halacha, and that tznius and fashion forward can go hand in hand, and not only not be polar opposites, but heighten the honor and grace of the Jewish woman.
Looking to shop but no dough for you to do it with? Have no fear the March Freebie is here. At a few beauty counters across the country free samples are being given to those who ask.
Hope this brings some cheer to your march.
Arielle aka Bargainjewess.
My husband was invited to a conference last month for Canadian Jewish Students in Niagara Falls. We decided since we weren’t taking any real vacation, to take off 2 days and fly to Buffalo, where the activities are cheap. We ended up having a fabulous time and we didn’t spend all that much.
Day one we landed in freezing cold Buffalo. It was about 12 degrees, and with the wind chill was about -4 degrees. So pretty cold. We were dressed warm though. We picked up our rental car, and made our way over to our hotel, which was right next to a huge gorgeous mall. More on that later. We dropped our stuff off, and changed into everything we owned to go skiing. I was so bundled up, it brought me back to being a little kid, when my mom would over bundle me and I’d fall over in the hallway of our building as I walked to the elevator. Skiing was beautiful, but really hard. It was my first time. What a workout! If I did that everyday I’d totally be a size 2. After a fun packed day we headed back to our hotel for some shopping and relaxing. One thing about western New York, every time I’m there I get the best stuff and so cheap.
I found at Ann Taylor Loft, two fantastic cardigans and a belt. The cardigans were $11.16 each and the belt $5.12. My husband bought at Macy’s a beautiful Club Room shirt and a tie, for $15.00 and $5.00. If you have the time it’s worth the trip for the shopping alone. Not only that but everyone working in the mall is kind and courteous, ready to help in any way they can. Plus the mall is spotless, even normally hectic, thrown all over type of stores, like Forever 21 are neat as pin. The mall was also pretty empty, so it was like having our own personal mall experience.
Day 2 we drove over the Canadian border to the most quaint beautiful little town, called Niagara on the Lake. We spent our morning riding fabulous horses through beautiful snow covered woods. It was so pristine and untouched, we even saw a family of deer. My horse Brock was so fat, my saddle kept sliding around and I had to keep hoisting myself up. I got quite a workout.
We then drove to the actual downtown of Niagara on the Lake. It’s full of historic landmarks and British expats. There are the cutest shops. Full of interesting homemade foods, maple syrup, chocolate, hats, housewares and much more. Most of the landmarks are closed in the winter so definitely head out in the spring, summer, or fall. There are also many local vineyards you can tour both in winter and summer. There is also the ice wine festival which happens the last week in January. We just missed it. Ice wine is grapes picked on the coldest day of the year at 2 am and then pressed into wine. It’s apparently very sweet. We couldn’t try it because of the kosher issue.
One of my favorite stores was Special Teas. They are an organic fresh tea shop. There are hundreds of canisters packed in this little tea shop. Every kind of tea imaginable, roiboos, honeybush, black, ceylon, green, green kombucha etc. They have tea tastings and seminars. To find out more check out www.theorgainicteastore.com
After a phone call that night from both my mother and mother-in-law that Macy’s was giving away free makeup, we headed over Friday morning to the mall one last time. I came out with free Clinique moisturizer and Estee Lauder night repair serum. I ran to actual Ann Taylor and bought another gorgeous cardigan reduced from $89.00 to $19.44 and a stunning leather belt regularly $48 down to $9.88. Seriously the deals are unreal.
We drove across the border to Canada again and experienced the white wonderland that is Niagara Falls in January. The trees are covered in white and the river has large chunks of ice floating in it. Definitely a sight worth seeing.
The amazing part of the whole vacation is that it cost us very little and we got to do the things we really enjoy doing. My only wish is that we had more time.
In my fledgling days of advising people on what to wear I’ve come to realize that a very important aspect is knowing your body. What do I mean knowing your body? Well you need to know the good the bad and the ugly. Say you have a tiny waist but a big butt. The goal is to draw as much attention to your waist and keep the attention off our bottom. In that vein here are a few of my suggestions on how to flatter your figure. If you’ve got an hourglass shape you know that finding clothes that properly hug your curves is no easy task. Hourglasses tend to have a big bust small waist and big hips. They also tend to be shortwaisted making them appear even bustier. V-neck sweaters shrink your bust and hug your curves well. Stay away from anything ribbed, ruched, or horizontally striped it will only make you look top heavy. Those with hourglass figures need to wear fitted tailored clothing. Men’s shirts are also great if you love button downs. They won’t gap like women’s shirts just make sure you have the sleeves shortened and the shoulders taken in. Avoid empire styles which can make you look pregnant. Pencil skirts, wrap dresses, full skirts, v-neck cardigans tailored nipped in jackets all suit you. Also make sure to invest in good foundation garments such as bras that properly support you. A well fitting bra can make you look pounds slimmer. For the pear you’re skinny on top with thin arms, and waist but your bottom half seems to be taking up way too much space. To compensate wear brightly printed tops with solid bottoms. Bootleg or flared pants with a crease lengthen the body and make thighs look slimmer. Try wearing interesting fun tops that draw attention to your upper half and keep the bottom simple. Stay away from overly full bottoms which will only make you look bigger. Try wearing a skirt, tights, and shoes all in the same color. This will give the illusion of a long lean line and make you appear taller and slimmer. Stay tuned for my next post on the apple and straight/banana body types. Embrace your body and learn to clothe it properly. When you dress for your body type you’ll learn to love all the things you used to hate. If you need help shopping for a big event or just to buy a new wardrobe check out my page on Bargain Jewess Consulting. I can help you achieve any look at any price. Arielle AKA BargainJewess
This past Sunday my husband and I participated in a wonderful dinner that took us to Cuba. Our good friends Yael and Josh Haller have started a Washington Heights cultural food club. We meet biweekly and choose a cuisine for which every one makes a dish. This week we did Cuban and the food was great. This is an inexpensive way to host dinner and enjoy your friends. Although we only did food, you can decorate your apartment/home in traditional decor from a party store and download some music that goes with your culture. You can also serve traditional alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverages.
There were some fabulous dishes like Pappas Rellenas- deep fried mashed potato balls stuffed with meat, Crushed Cuban potatoes, and Cuban hamburgers. Dani and I contributed Arroz Con Pollo- Chicken with rice and for dessert Bunuelos- deep fried dough rolled in cinnamon sugar. The whole meal was amazing and there was lots more delicious food that I don’t know the traditional cu ban names for. The Arroz con Pollo was fabulous and I will include a link to it, at the end of the post.
Some ideas for cuisine:
Cuban
Thai
Japanese
Swedish
English
Australian
Chinese- Not what you get in an American Chinese restaurant.
Caribbean
Italian
Spanish
Portugese
Russian
Indian
Greek
And the list can go on and on. With the economy what it is and this writer having been laid off yesterday I will keep updating you on fun, fabulous ways to have fun, keep your spirits up and still enjoy your life.
Kisses,
Arielle AKA Bargain Jewess
P.S. Check ou this site for the recipe http://www.tasteofcuba.com/arrozconpollo.html
For most of us the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009 has not been much of a shopping year. With people losing their jobs at a rapid pace and everyone else fearing they will, most of us are holding onto our money as tight as can be. So how does the fashion forward reccesionista deal. One of the best ways to get new stuff without spending a dime is to host a clothing swap. Contact a few friends, have each of them bring a few items that they no longer want. Clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. Have a table or tables arranged with space for each item. Owners of items bargain over exchanges and choose who gets what. Size doesn’t matter invite all friends.
If you want to have food either the host provides or do potluck and have everyone bring stuff, in addition to the clothing they bring. This can be a fun way to get something new and interesting, that you don’t have to pay for. It can also be a great way to get your friends together, and make some new ones. You can also turn it into an opportunity to do good by taking any unwanted items in good condition and donating them to a good will, shelter, hospital or local chapter of dress for success.
A few ground rules.
Make sure you tell everyone that anything they bring must be in new, like new or very good condition. That means, no stains, no tears and no odors.
Everything must be clean.
Purses must be free of debris and emptied out.
Last but not least happy hunting.
A movie came out recently called “Loving Leah” that aired on the hallmark Channel. The movie is about an orthodox woman Chabad I think, who’s husband dies. His brother is still living and therefore yibum or chalitza must be performed. This is an age old Jewish practice that if a man leaves no heirs, his unmarried brother must marry his widow Yibum or perform chalitza a ceremony that absolves him of this obligation. From what I hear the movie wasn’t all too accurate in it’s portrayal of orthodox Judaism but that’s a separate issue. Susie Essman most famously known for her dirty mouth on Curb your enthusiasm plays the mother of the young widowed woman.
Recently she appeared on “The view” to promote the movie. When asked by Joy Behar “So what did you learn about the chasidic religion?” Essman replied “Well they’re not very good dressers, have you seen what some of these women look like half the time?” I would like to tell you something Susie Essman, take a look in the mirror, because you surely are not anything special. Not only that but to make such a generalization that an entire group looks bad? That’s a bit rich. Especially since on the whole, chabad women are some of the hottest orthodox women. The funny part is the only outrage that anyone will express is within the orthodox community. Unlike when Don Imus made derogatory remarks, and every media outlet jumped on him, no one will say boo. No one will say it but Susie Essman is guilty of ethnic stereotyping. Jews have been called ugly for thousands of years and no one cares. If anyone called a Muslim ugly for wearing hijabs they’d be bashed and berated the world over. ( I don’t think hijab’s are ugly by the way and I think many Arab women in hijabs are beautiful, it’s just an example.)
Kudos to Jonathan Mark, Associate editor of the Jewish week, a Jewish man who felt compelled to write in defense of orthodox Jewish women. Susie Essman should be ashamed of herslef for perpetuating a stereotype so old and untrue it should be buried with the myth that tomatoes are poisonous.Just because Jewish women cover their bodies and dress modestly, that in no way makes them unattractive.
Not only that, but I am so tired of hearing that women should only be judged by how they look and not the content of their character. Recently someone remarked to me that Michelle Obama should have breast augmentation in order to balance her proportions. I was taken aback a bit and responded that I think Michelle Obama is a beautiful woman first of all. But she’s first lady a brillant woman, not a model why should she have to look like one. I guess it’s stupid people like Susie Essman who need to create some publicity for themselves that perpetuate such terrible stereotypes. I have news for you Susie, before you open your mouth you should look in the mirror. The so-called ugly chasidic women you speak of have nicer tucheses than your face.
So as you all know I always try to find ways to do things on the cheap. I’ve been doing my own nails now for awhile but I always end up smudging them, plus they are always breaking. I figured I’d buy nailtiques a really great nail strengthener that works. Thing is the Rite Aid I stopped at on my way home didn’t have it. I decided to try fake glue on nails. I was thinking they’ll always be perfect and they’ll last awhile. What I didn’t realize was that the glue bonds and bonds fast. In the best of times I’m not the neatest of people and this time was no exception. I glued on pinky, ring and middle finger successfully. I had some glue around the edges but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. When it came time for pointer it just wouldn’t stay as I tried to hold it down with my thumb and right pointer my fingers bonded from the glue on them and before I knew it left pointer and right thumb were glued together.
Lucky for me I knew a quick remedy. I called my husband who was washing dishes in the kitchen, because as you can imagine I couldn’t do so much with my hands. He poured nail polish remover in a dish for me and I soaked my fingers till they came apart. I still have gray glue remnants on my fingers but at least they’re not stuck together. Although I usually always recommend a DIY in this case spend the money and get a manicure it isn’t worth the headache. Although my nails do like nice….
On another note I tried a new product last night and it’s really fantastic. Loreal came out with a new line of shampoos and conditioners for color treated hair. It’s called Everpure and is vegan, not tested on animals, and free of sulfates and salts which dry the hair. I bought it for my wig, but used it on my hair and it’s really great. It gets the bargainjewess stamp of approval.
Facials are expensive but they can really give a lift to your skin. A facial is relatively simple to achieve at home, but leave extractions to the professionals.
First start out with some boiling water. Add some essential oils like Clary sage, Eucalyptus,- good for Acne and blackheads-Lavender, lemon oil, sandalwood, patchouli, you can also use chamomile teabags if you don’t have essential oil or cant find any, which can be bought at any local supermarket. Steep the teabags in the boiling water or drop in a few drops of oil and swish around. Place your face ten inches above the steam and a towel over your head and sit like that for 5 or ten minutes.
When you are done opening the pores and your face feels moist rub on a mask targeted to your skin, oily dry, blemishes, combination etc. this will either draw out impurities or ad moisture or basically accomplish whatever it is your ski needs. Masks can be bought at drugstores, beauty supply stores, department stores and upscale chains like sephora. Leave on for the specified amount of time and rinse with warm water.
You want to consistently use warm water because warm water opens the pores. If you’re skin is rough or scaly, smooth on use an at home micro-dermabrasion scrub (Garnier makes a great one!) For those with blemishes use an at home peel either pads or a leave on solution. Rinse off after time specified with warm water. For those just looking to deep clean the skin skip this step.
Rinse your face again this time with cold water to close the pores.
After you have rinsed your face with the cold water pat dry leaving the face damp. Apply a mosturizer for your skin type and eye cream. Putting moisturizer on when the skin is damp allows the mosturizer to really sink in.
Regular facials should keep your skin clearer, smoother, and more radiant.
Here’s looking at you Gorgeous!
From the time I was a little girl, I was told women could do anything. There was no one who ever said -not parents, not teachers, not TV-that a girl couldn’t be anything she wanted to be. I grew up with so many aspirations. When I was really small I wanted to a Doctor till I my mom told me about bedpans. Which by the way mom, nurses change not Drs. Then I wanted to be an actress, a figure skater, a film director and always I was encouraged. When In high school I told my parents I wanted to be a lawyer they kind of laughed at me. Not because women can’t be lawyers, but rather because I was such a dismal student and they couldn’t imagine me working that hard. Thing is I happen to have done exceptionally well in college and suddenly my parents had new found respect that I could be a lawyer.
I on the other hand had become caught up in more glamorous career pursuits. I saw myself in marketing or advertising, not a lawyer wearing stodgy suits buried in legal briefs. I tried PR only to realize that in order to make it you must be both cutthroat and a backstabber, two things I just wasn’t capable of. I realized at that point that law school was the way to go. Thing is there was always this weird doubt in the back of my mind.
There was this part of me that loved to cook and make my own accessories. Who sometimes thought it might be fun to be a stay at home wife albeit one who ran a business from her home but a woman’s woman; engaged in womanly pursuits and feminine sensibilities. I was shocked when I thought these things. All my life I had been told I could do anything, that I was smart and competent as any man. I started to wonder is it ok to not want an intellectual career? Is it okay in my community to not want to make a $100,000+ a year? I mean are making money and a fulfilling job not possible? Better yet does being a woman today mean that one must have a career that is deemed challenging and stimulating?
So many women fought for the right to work; the right to be free of their husband’s domination. These women fought to be more than a secretary or somebody’s mother. So it’s not surprising that I feel guilty for wanting to be the next Martha Stewart or Susie Fischbein. The question I ask myself, is it ok to crave domesticity instead of the boardroom? Or am I setting women back by wanting to have the choice of having a high powered career or the opportunity to work from home at my own pace? Have we as women come to a place where it’s ok to be women? Or are we still struggling to keep up in a man’s world……
