Streaks that I call a tan……

In Uncategorized on August 12, 2008 at 2:34 pm

So part of being a bargain Jewess is bargain beauty. I am a huge fan of cheap cosmetic lines such as wet N wild and N.Y.C. and often times I will do my own beauty treatments. I do my own facial masks, I blow dry my own hair, and last night for the first time ever I decided to spray tan myself. I did everything I was supposed to do. I exfoliated, moisturized from head to toe. I bought the spray can so it’s almost as if you’re airbrushing yourself. I sprayed myself down in even strokes like the bottle said, but after two to four hours my color had not developed, so I decided to call it a bust.  In the  morning light of the bathroom to my horror the color had developed but in streaks. Parts of my thighs were still Casper white, while other areas were a caramel hue. Needless to say other than my husband I’m not showing off my thighs so quickly. They’re pretty lardlike and dimpled anyways so I don’t show them off unless I absolutely have to.  My face came out nice and bronzed as did my arms. My legs are another story.

Beauty disasters are often a specialty of mine. When I was around thirteen and in camp, I didn’t own a tweezer and there was no place in the boonies to get my eyebrows waxed. I being the genius I am thought I could shave them into shape. I ended up with two half eyebrows and spent the summer looking like a freak. Lucky my camp was not co-ed. One summer as a counselor upstate my friends and I got the brilliant idea to dye our hair. I wanted more of a reddish brown but I ended up with a purplish aubergine color, it was cool for a day. My friend though who had bleached her hair ended up far worse. She had wanted to go back to her natural brown only to end up with fire engine red hair. I guess the fun part is that through the disasters, you do learn d.i.y. beauty. What to do and not to do. Over time you develop skills and no amount of money can buy the satisfaction you feel when you can do your own makeup perfectly or give yourself a great fake tan. I’m gonna spray tan myself again and hope I do a better job this time. One word of advice though ladies leave the Brazilians to the professionals.

Bargain with abandon,

Bargain Jewess.


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