bargainjewess

Posts Tagged ‘mistake’

It’s called a quarterlife crisis

In education, self-flagellation on October 2, 2008 at 4:48 pm

I am turning 24 in 2 weeks and I am at that panicky stage where I know I need to figure out what to do with my life but I’m completely unsure of anything. I’m a person who has a hard time committing and making a decision. If I love something I will do it, but when it comes to career choices so many things sound interesting that it’s hard to commit to just one. In college I thought definitively that I would be a lawyer. I majored in subjects that really only worked for law school and when I got to the end of college I suddenly wasn’t so sure the law was what I wanted. In the year and half since I have finished school I’ve had a string of mindless jobs that are a big road to nowhere. So I finally decided to suck it up and go to law school.

I’ve now been studying for the LSAT for a month. My already low self-esteem has become non-existent as I struggle to understand the concepts of this patience trying test. When I don’t do well at things I tend to give up thinking that there is no way I will ever excel. I like to succeed at things very much, in fact I’m a highly competitive person but I also hate to fail and so I’ve come to a point where I wonder what am I doing? Am I giving up too easily or realizing that I’m just not cut out for this. I always thought I was pretty smart, honor student, always able to hold my own in conversations, but lately I feel if there’s a scale of intelligent people, I am at the lower end. I’m starting to wonder if I’m wasting time and money and making a huge mistake, or if I’m just worried because I’m not doing well. It’s like being between a rock and a hard place. I fervently wish on many occasions that I was one of those people who knew exactly what they wanted to do. Or that my degree had been useful instead of useless.

I’m starting to wonder when it is that I’ll find myself or maybe I never will, which is an even scarier thought.

Advertisements